I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
