why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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