Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
