Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
