my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
