You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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