I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
