i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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