If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
