aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
