So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
