he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
