my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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