On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Did I show you my penis last night?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
