So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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