When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
wow bdsm is so cute
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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