His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
