So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My penis needs a shock collar
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
