laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
