nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
