I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
