Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
