his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
