dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
