yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
