I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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