i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
