She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
