so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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