there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
