Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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