Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
