do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
