I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
