apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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