apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
