Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
