and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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