May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
