Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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