Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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