i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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