On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
