my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
