How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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