She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
