Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
