I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
where are you?
Hypothermia
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
