not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
