You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So gin and wine won't be happening again
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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